Wrong Turn?

At the time I wrote a previous post “Changes“, I was at one of the first big crossroads in my life. I had to make a major decision and making my mind up took quite a long time. But even at that time, my mind was not completely made up and I was very reluctant to take any of the many options I had available. Still, I took a leap of faith and went in a very uncertain direction.

Today, and five months after the big change, I find myself reconsidering my decision. Did I make the right choice back in December? I am more and more certain now that I did not.
Who is there to blame?

I can easily think of a few people to put the blame on, but the truth of the matter is that I should only put it on myself. Or even not even myself. Back in December, my choice seemed to be the perfect one and the change I was making appeared to be exactly what I need to refresh my life.

Apparently not.

Today I sit on my desk, not quite satisfied with anything I see around me. The lack of direction and lack of focus add up to a crushing lack of motivation.

The new decision I’m making is to hold on and take it like a man. But is it really worth it? Isn’t it a fact that life is too short to waste it in places that are not nurturing us and not really taking us to where we would like to be in life? Staring at the calender at my desk and ticking away days in advance is not how I would like to spend my days.

I’m not at my best when confused and de-motivated. I’m not happy when I have to comply to rules and regulations that I firmly believe are useless and pointless. I am not exactly enthusiastic about keeping that leash I put around my neck a few months ago.

Silly me.

Find me on twitter @fadyroumieh

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8 Responses to Wrong Turn?

  1. BeirutBoy says:

    I totally know what you mean. Staying @ a place where you’re not motivated just because you have to. Going to sleep everyday counting the days, and saying “Yalla 178 days till the contract is over!”.

    You live and you learn Fadi. I don’t think it’s the wrong turn. At the end of the day, whatever road you choose to take, it will lead you eventually to where you want to be.

  2. Bruno Elias says:

    All the experiences are welcome Fady, especially the bad ones, but I believe life is too short to drink bad wine. Honestly I think all of us should pursue the best life we can live, no matter what – and change plans/direction as much as necessary.

    There isn’t such a thing like a good or bad decision. There’s a decision you took, which is an uncategorised event; it’s the way you perceive this event what really counts. And you might consider as well that there’s no guarantee that even if it were the best choice back then it would be the right choice for you today… We’re in constant mutation, mate, don’t blame yourself. Our interests change every second as we live, get maturer, wiser… It’s the nature of life, real time improvements (including changing plans sometimes)! =)

    So, if the events following your choice are no longer interesting maybe it’s time to sit and rethink your strategic planning. Just don’t make a big deal out of it, life is made of adjustments along the way to get where you want to. As I prefer to think, life is much more a Rally race than F1. It’s made of consistency, not big rushs.

    Cheers, mate!

  3. Flavia Santini says:

    hello fady, first time on your blog!
    i couldn’t help but comment – i think i know a little bit about what you’re going through. a lot, actually.
    i was never really able to make up my mind. i like to think that, being a gemini, i was “cursed” with this eternal curiosity and indecision, the shallowness of wanting to try a little bit of everything without committing to anything for long enough. the result was me making decisions and taking courses (studying) and moving to different places many many times in the course of the last 10 years. i’ve been a copywriter, an english teacher, a barista, a personal assistant while studying to become an acupuncturist… i’ve lived in brazil, in italy, in the uk, and now turns out i’m back in italy – country i consider to be my true homeland.
    this lack of decision and commitment, though, never really matched my basic need for stability. i can say one thing for sure, and that is that i need stability to feel serene, and serenity for me is where true happiness and joy lie. so i struggled a lot during those 10 years, even if experimenting was a fun thing, the undecision and the perene feeling that i kept taking the wrong turns in life were much, much stronger.
    one day, through my husband (bruno, right up there in the comments), i came across a stock trading study material. and without giving it much thought – otherwise i’d let my fear of maths take over me – i took it and studied with real focus. i had nothing to lose, and i knew that, if that worked out, i’d have the second most important thing in life for me – autonomy. the freedom to work on my own, from home if i wanted to, and the knowledge that for the first time the gains i’d get would reflect only the effort i’d put in.
    today is my birthday . i’m 29 now, and can i tell you? i’ve never been in a better place my entire life. i did go through those various, countless moments of wondering where it all went wrong, what i could have done differently, if only i had done this and that, etc. but it took me one day of reasonable thinking to realise that right now all i need to do is accept that the past couldn’t have been any different – and that, if anything, it was my past that took me where i am right now. in the right place, finally.
    it took me 29 years – might take you less. for some people it takes a considerable short amount of time. you just don’t know until you’ve tried.
    that’s why it’s so important to just keep going. no matter what your results are. if you keep changing your mind, but your mind if focused on the goals you want to achieve, or the things that matter the most to you, you will get there.
    keep walking!

    xx

  4. Mariam says:

    I hope it all comes together soon for you Fady! I’m almost done university and when I had started, I thought that where I am today would be the start of great things and it sadly wasn’t. I think many people spend their 20’s trying to figure life out and find direction… it’ll all come together. And as the saying goes “3asa 2an takraho shay2on wahwa khayron lakom…” this “bad” decision could lead to the best. Keep your faith and optimism. Its all meant to work out in the end 🙂

  5. A Bare Truth says:

    I sometimes regret leaving my job back in dec. I know I was not happy there but i am not sure things are much better right now

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