At the time I wrote a previous post “Changes“, I was at one of the first big crossroads in my life. I had to make a major decision and making my mind up took quite a long time. But even at that time, my mind was not completely made up and I was very reluctant to take any of the many options I had available. Still, I took a leap of faith and went in a very uncertain direction.
Today, and five months after the big change, I find myself reconsidering my decision. Did I make the right choice back in December? I am more and more certain now that I did not.
Who is there to blame?
I can easily think of a few people to put the blame on, but the truth of the matter is that I should only put it on myself. Or even not even myself. Back in December, my choice seemed to be the perfect one and the change I was making appeared to be exactly what I need to refresh my life.
Today I sit on my desk, not quite satisfied with anything I see around me. The lack of direction and lack of focus add up to a crushing lack of motivation.
The new decision I’m making is to hold on and take it like a man. But is it really worth it? Isn’t it a fact that life is too short to waste it in places that are not nurturing us and not really taking us to where we would like to be in life? Staring at the calender at my desk and ticking away days in advance is not how I would like to spend my days.
I’m not at my best when confused and de-motivated. I’m not happy when I have to comply to rules and regulations that I firmly believe are useless and pointless. I am not exactly enthusiastic about keeping that leash I put around my neck a few months ago.
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